Date Drabbles
by PinkFairy727
Summary: Wherein Team Torchwood attempt to play the dating game. Pairings of both the canon and non-canon variety, of which there are too many to list individually. Written by myself & cindergirlgrimm


**Authors Note: **These drabbles were written by myself and my wonderful beta, cindergrilgrimm

* * *

**Date Drabbles**

Ianto closed his eyes, hoping that when he opened them he would find it was all a bad dream.

It wasn't.

The meerkat was still there, on the wrong side of the cage and pointing Ianto's own gun at him. Admittedly, it _was_ an alien meerkat, but it would still take time for Ianto to get over the indignity of a small, furry mammal taking him hostage.

Owen was going to be absolutely unbearable.

Ianto sighed as five more meerkat impersonators appeared, dragging Jack's temporarily dead body between them.

He was never going on a date to the zoo again.

***

Rhys jumped again, fork of spaghetti half way towards his mouth, as a mobile started ringing. Gwen laughed.

"It's not my fault!" Rhys complained around the mouthful of pasta he had now shovelled into his mouth. "Every time we go out your phone rings and you have to rush off and save the world."

"Rhys, for the last time, my phone is on silent, I have the entire night off and _nothing _is going-"

The sound of glass smashing, immediately followed by growling and an American shouting curtailed Gwen's sentence.

Rhys glared at the source of the commotion. "Bloody Torchwood."

***

Tosh stared in horror at the clowns standing behind Owen. They weren't doing anything sinister, just juggling six yellow and blue balls between them, but the bright green hair and dark red lipstick was enough to make her shudder.

Owen, wearing a tacky, plastic crown, was oblivious to them.

This didn't last.

Deftly catching the nearest ball Clown 1 threw it, not back to Clown 2, but at the back of Owen's head before turning back to Clown 1, grinning smugly.

Owen landed face first into his plate of luminous pink and purple mashed potatoes.

Tosh woke up after that.

***

"I thought tonight was date night?" Tosh said as Jack re-entered the Hub ten minutes after leaving, a very wet and miserable Ianto following behind him.

"It was," Jack grumbled, stomping in the direction of Owen's autopsy bay, "but Ianto fell into a pond."

"Actually, I was pushed," Ianto replied, glaring at Jack. Jack waved his arm dismissively.

"I saved you from that crazy scooter woman. Besides, I didn't know _that_ was going to happen."

Tosh was about to ask what 'that'was when Ianto sneezed. She gave him a sympathetic look before frowning. "Do you usually sneeze pink glitter?"

***

Owen stormed down the street, muttering under his breath and not even attempting to navigate his way around the late-night drinkers spilling out of the Cardiff pubs.

He was going to kill Jack _bloody _Harkness and he was going to bloody well make sure he didn't get back up again this time.

Okay, admittedly, he shouldn't have shouted at Tosh earlier and he _definitely _shouldn't have insulted Ianto and his coffee making abilities, but wasn't he being punished enough- hello, _decaf! –_without Jack sticking his tongue down his throat while he was chatting up the leggy blonde at the bar?

***

Tosh fiddled nervously with her napkin. She couldn't believe she had actually agreed to this.

A date.

A _blind_ date.

She looked around the restaurant, not too fancy but not shabby either, wondering if the tall, dark and handsome stranger walking through the door was her date.

Tosh started when a man with a thick, Welsh accent appeared in front of her. "Well, 'ello again gorgeous."

She started in horror as Banana Boat sat himself down in the seat opposite her.

First thing tomorrow, she was telling Ianto Gwen was the one who had broken the coffee machine last week.

***

"Jack! We're not even in the lift yet!" Jack just shoved his hand down Ianto's trousers to get a better grip on his arse.

"Fuck!" Ianto scrambled to find the button as Jack claimed his mouth. When the doors opened a minute later they stumbled in without looking, Ianto moaning while Jack hit the button for Ianto's floor with a practiced ease.

There was a cough and splutter. "Ia-Ianto?" Ianto turned slightly -which Jack took as permission to go back to his neck- expecting to see one of his neighbours. He wasn't expecting to see his sister, niece, and nephew.

***

"What?" Rhys asked, smiling at the little grin on Gwen's face.

"Nothing," she replied, turning back to the chicken on her plate. Rhys prodded the back of her hand with his fork.

"Just…this," Gwen said. "It's nice to be doing something normal."

"Like going out to dinner with your gorgeous husband without your phone going off?"

Gwen laughed. "You'll have gone and jinxed us now."

Rhys grinned but his smile soon turned into a frown when the head-chef ran out of the kitchen screaming, a small, blue dinosaur following him.

"You know, we really should stop coming to this restaurant."

***

For the first time in a year, Tosh was running late for work. She had spent three hours last night deciding on her outfit before changing her mind once more when she woke up.

She had their whole day planned: they would go for a walk along the bay, eating fish and chips as they walked, before going to see the new Bond film that had just come out. Jack had even promised that, bar invasion or the Rift exploding, he wouldn't call her into work.

Five minutes after they woke Tommy up three spaceships crashed into the River Taff.

***

A triple date was a terribly, horribly BAD idea.

Jack was making inappropriate comments towards Johnny, then Rhys, then Rhiannon, then something about an orgy Ianto missed because he was asking the waiter 'for a stronger drink and to _keep them coming_.' Johnny then starts about Jack being the boss and Rhys talks about what a prat Jack is. Naturally, they're immediately best friends.

Gwen is doing her best to keep up a normal conversation with Rhiannon and Ianto decides he loves her.

"Let me tell you a story," Jack declares to nobody in particular. Ianto signals for another drink.

***

Toshiko's first date was with a boy from an estate, a mechanic who'd saved her mother's car, then started a conversation with _her_.

He was sweet and seemed interested even if he did talk about another girl a bit too much; things were going decently. Then they ran into the girl and her boyfriend and Tosh's wonderful first date turned into a double with two people she didn't know or like and didn't like her.

It became worse when a blond man wearing _celery_ bowled them all over. Rose twisted her ankle and Mickey put Tosh in a taxi home.

***

Owen was overjoyed when the single mother and her one-year-old toddler- who did nothing but scream morning, noon and night- finally moved out of the flat underneath his own.

He was even happier when a tall, red-haired, freckle-nosed dancer moved in three days later.

Arming himself with a couple of bottles of beer and a smile, Owen knocked on her door. He was confident that she would take advantage of his furniture moving skills and his offer of a night out on the town up until the moment the door was opened by her six foot four, rugby player boyfriend.

***

"Don't say _ANYTHING_, Jack, _NOTHING_." Jack couldn't help himself and burst out laughing, the rest of the team following.

"This was supposed to be her night off, Harkness! And then she gets stalked by an alien that MAKES US HAVE SEX IN BLOODY _PUBLIC_?! This is all YOU'RE fault!"

"Rhys, calm down."

That was obviously the wrong thing to say and the team was treated to Rhys-the-Rant for a good ten minutes before Andy appeared with their release papers. "Thank God" was the general refrain.

"Guys, really, I _am_ sorry."

"Then why didn't you bring us clothes?!"

"...You fucking prat!"

***

Tosh didn't know why she'd agreed to another blind date set up by Rhys and Gwen after last time, but this was some cousin of Rhys' who lived in California and hadn't been able to make the wedding. They'd begged _and_ took Tosh's next five nightshifts.

So she dressed her best and showed up at the restaurant right on time. Thirty minutes later she decided to give him until she finished her wine then she was leaving.

Two minutes later a man who looked like Jude Law showed up with a dozen red roses and begged her to forgive him.

***

Owen takes another satisfying sip of his drink. He's really earned his money today with two Graske autopsies and stitching the cut above Tosh's eyebrow after she got too close to a hormonal Weevil.

He may not be as smart as Tosh or as charming as Jack and he knows he will never be as caring as Gwen or as...Ianto as Ianto, but the simple, "You did good today, Owen," makes him happier than he'll ever admit.

"Can I join you?" Owen looks up to find a blonde with humongous tits smiling at him.

Today is a _very _good day.

***

Gwen and Rhys walk out of the restaurant hand in hand. Rhys freezes when they reach Gwen's parked car, staring back at the Italian restaurant with a look of bewilderment.

"What's wrong?" Gwen asks him, throwing worried glances at first her husband and then the restaurant.

"We actually did it," Rhys says in astonishment, grinning at Gwen.

Gwen smiles back. "Did what?"

"We got through an entire meal without your phone ringing, Jack gate-crashing or any prehistoric creatures trying to eat the chef."

Gwen laughs, before kissing Rhys as she realises once again just how much she loves her husband.

***

Ianto Jones was content. The Rift hadn't exploded, no relatives or alien meerkats had appeared unexpectedly, and they had managed to get through a three-course meal without Torchwood or Jack's libido interfering- that had come later.

If it weren't for his pillow making a futile bid for freedom everything would be perfect.

"What's wrong?" Ianto asked, turning his head to look at Jack.

"I can't feel my arm," Jack replied before rearranging Ianto so that they were both more comfortable, moving his now free hand so that it was now running through Ianto's hair.

Ianto Jones was most definitely content.

* * *

**Like it? Love it? Loathe it? Let us know :c)**


End file.
